Listen Through a Window, Not a Mirror

What’s a great way to listen to another person? As Michael Wade notes in his article from US News & World Report: 

Look through a window, not a mirror. Don’t assume that the person means what you would have meant under similar circumstances.

Interesting approach, isn’t it? Let’s think about how “listening through a window” might work in practice.

As an educator of students in the Millennial Generation, it’s critical that I listen to my students through a window. For years, if I was planning on meeting someone somewhere, I might say, “We’re going to hook up later.” Now if I was to use the same expression in one of my classes at Georgia Southern University, I’d probably be met with snickers (and not the candy bar) from my students. Why? The term “hook up” has changed over the years. This doesn’t mean that I need to use their language, but I do need to be aware how my choice of words may be interpreted.

Wade contends that there are six ways to be a great listener. Rounding out his list are: 

1. Listen for a theme.
2. Recognize that the speaker might not know the real message.
3. Subdue your ego.
4. Act as if you are listening.
5. Use an old investigator’s trick.

So, how can your life change if you listen through a window instead of a mirror? Please share your thoughts by commenting here at Listening Matters. 

Photo Credit: Thanks go to asmundur, who posted this gorgeous photo titled “In the Foyer” to Flickr.

Additional thanks to the International Listening Leaders Institute newsletter. This week’s Listening Leaders Lazer Lessons highlighted Wade’s US News & World Report article.

[Adapted from a post from June 2008]

Listening: A Matter of Faith

[Republished from July 28, 2008]

The little child whispered, “God, speak to me.” And a meadowlark sang. But the child did not hear. So the child yelled, “God, speak to me!” And the thunder rolled across the sky. But the child did not listen. The child looked around and said, “God let me see you.” And a star shone brightly. But the child did not notice. And the child shouted, “God show me a miracle!” And a life was born. But the child did not know. So the child cried out in despair, “Touch me God, and let me know you are here!” Whereupon God reached down and touched the child. But the child brushed the butterfly away and walked away unknowingly. Take time to listen. Often times, the things we seek are right underneath our noses. Don’t miss out on your blessing because it isn’t packaged the way that you expect. — Anonymous
 
The ear trieth words as the mouth tasteth meat. — Job 33:16

Take heed then how you hear… — Luke 8:18

If any man have ears to hear, let him hear…with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you. And unto you who hear shall more be given. — Mark 4:23-24
 

Just remaining quietly in the presence of God, listening to Him, being attentive to Him, requires a lot of courage and know-how. — Thomas Merton

Let thy ear be attentive. — Nehemiah 1:6

Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance. — Proverbs 1:5

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent and discerning if he holds his tongue. — Proverbs 17:28  

He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.     — Proverbs 18:13

Listen children and be attentive, that you may gain insight.     — Proverbs 4:1 

Live with men as if God saw you, and talk to God as if men were listening. — Athenodorus\

To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs. — Ghose Aurobindo
 

If you were once connected with someone, does it make sense that the connection is broken just because of a physical death? No, the connection stays. You may just have to listen differently. You may just have to talk differently. The truth is: the connection is never broken. — Chris Collins

The reason we listen to individuals with receptivity and respect is that we never know whom the Spirit of Christ might choose to speak through on any given occasion. — Martin B. Copenhaver

If we have listening ears, God speaks to us in our own language, whatever that language be. — Mahatma Gandhi

Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.— James 1:19

One of the things that makes God different from people is that God is always available to listen. —Rabbi David Wolpe

Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff. But unless they are talking to you, stay out of it. Indiscriminate eavesdropping is a threat to parental sanity. — Catherine M. Wallace

Songs About Listening

 

As I was researching materials for a session at the International Listening Association’s annual conference in March 2009, I wondered how many songs had the word “listen” in the title. I was surprised at what I found. According to Leo’s Lyrics (my favorite source for song lyrics), 133 songs by various artists appeared; to see the complete list, visit Leo’s Lyrics.

My favorite song titled “Listen” is by the Christian band Poor Baker’s Dozen, from its “Go Stop Go” CD.  Here’s a snippet from the song: Listen 

Artists including  Beyonce, Chicago, Collective Soul, Goo Goo Dolls, Tears for Fears and Toad the Wet Sprocket also have songs simply titled “Listen.” Below, you’ll find a sampling of the titles and artists of other songs with “listen” in the title:

• “Listen to Your Heart” by artists including DHT, Motörhead, and Roxette
• “Listen to My Heart” by The Ramones
• “Listen to Our Hearts” by Geoff Moore And The Distance
• “Children Will Listen” by Barbra Streisand
• “If No One Will Listen” by Keri Noble
• “Learn to Listen” by The Ramones
• “Don’t Stop and Listen” by DJs @ Work
• “Stop, Listen, Look & Think” by Expose
• “Listen to What the Man Said” by Paul McCartney and Wings
• “Listen to the Music” by The Doobie Brothers
• “Listen to the Flower People” by Spinal Tap
• “Ssh…Listen” by Motherjane
• “Listen Up” by artists including Basket Case, Oasis, and Doomriders
• “No One Would Listen” by Andrew Lloyd Webber (from The Phantom of the Opera)

[Adapted from a post from March 2008]

Poll: Is Twitter Listening?

This morning on Twitter, I saw this tweet from Pete Cashmore of @Mashable: “Funniest. Twitter account. Ever. –> @TheMime.”  And what does The Mime have to say? See for yourself.

That got me thinking. When you use Twitter, does it feel more like you’re listening, or more like you are reading? Please take this one-question survey.

And feel free to embed this PollDaddy poll in your own site, too. Insert the code “polldaddy poll=1423874″ (using brackets in place of the quotation marks) into a post.

Listening Lessons from Oz: The Wizard of Oz Approach to Listening

[Edited and republished from June 23, 2008]

In my closing remarks [from the 2006 International Listening Association conference], as outgoing ILA president, I spoke about the listening lessons of the The Wizard of Oz, pointing out what we can learn from the story and each of its characters.

First, of course, was Dorothy, who clarified her perspective by listening to others as she tried to find her way home. 

The Cowardly Lion struggled for courage, and listening definitely takes courage. “When we ask a question, we must be prepared to listen to the hard stuff, too, not just what we want to hear.” 

Scarecrow, in search of a brain, knew the value of listening and the hazards of over-talking. In answer to Dorothy’s question, “How can you talk if you don’t have a brain?” Scarecrow replies, “I don’t know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don’t they?” 

The Tin Man, in searching for his heart, realized through listening to others that he had what he wanted and needed all along. In fact, they all did—which also became a lesson in inward listening. 

They also learned a hard lesson from the Wizard, who was not aware of his impact as a role model or how urgently he was counted on to listen to and help others. 

Listening is a journey, and everyone’s Yellow Brick Road has roadblocks and potholes along the way and a cast of characters with their own struggles.

Wicked, the back story of the Wizard of Oz [describing the lives of the Elphaba, the Wicked Witch, and Galinda, the Good Witch] teaches a number of listening lessons, as well, related to assumptions, prejudice and friendship. The powerful tales of Oz serve as a fitting reminder of my message throughout my term as ILA president: “There is power in listening.”

• Reprinted from the International Listening Association’s Listening Post, July 2006

For the original mindmap I created (using Inspiration concept mapping software), see the PDF of Listening Lessons from Oz Mindmap. The mindmap includes Toto, too!

Photo Credit: The Wicked Witch of the East, originally uploaded to Flickr by *Dragonfly*

Listen Through a Window, Not a Mirror

What’s a great way to listen to another person? As Michael Wade notes in his article from a recent US News & World Report: 

Look through a window, not a mirror. Don’t assume that the person means what you would have meant under similar circumstances.

Interesting approach, isn’t it? Let’s think about how “listening through a window” might work in practice.

As an educator of students in the Millennial Generation, it’s critical that I listen to my students through a window. For years, if I was planning on meeting someone somewhere, I might say, “We’re going to hook up later.” Now if I was to use the same expression in one of my classes at Georgia Southern University, I’d probably be met with snickers (and not the candy bar) from my students. Why? The term “hook up” has changed over the years. This doesn’t mean that I need to use their language, but I do need to be aware how my choice of words may be interpreted.

Wade contends that there are six ways to be a great listener. Rounding out his list are: 

1. Listen for a theme.
2. Recognize that the speaker might not know the real message.
3. Subdue your ego.
4. Act as if you are listening.
5. Use an old investigator’s trick.

In future postings to Listening Matters, I’ll apply many of Wade’s other tips.

So, how can your life change if you listen through a window instead of a mirror? Please share your thoughts by commenting here at Listening Matters. 

Photo Credit: Thanks go to asmundur, who posted this gorgeous photo titled “In the Foyer” to Flickr.

Additional thanks to the International Listening Leaders Institute newsletter. This week’s Listening Leaders Lazer Lessons highlighted Wade’s US News & World Report article.

Quotations on Listening and Writing

It is insight into human nature that is the key to the communicator’s skill. For whereas the writer is concerned with what he puts into his writings, the communicator is concerned with what the reader gets out of it. He therefore becomes a student of how people read or listen. — William Bernbach

The discipline of the writer is to learn to be still and listen to what his subject has to tell him.  — Rachel Louise Carson

Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up on rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. — Meg Chittenden

I have learned as much about writing about my people by listening to blues and jazz and spirituals as I have by reading novels. — Ernest Gaines

If I had to give young writers advice, I would say don’t listen to writers talking about writing or themselves. — Lillian Hellman

I learned to write by listening to people talk. I still feel that the best of my writing comes from having heard rather than having read. — Gayl Jones

Between the writing of plays, in the vast middle of the night, when our children and their mother slept, I sat alone, and my thoughts drifted back in time, murmuring the remembrance of things past into the listening ear of silence; fashioning thoughts to unspoken words, and setting them down upon the sensitive tablets of the mind. — Sean O’Casey

All speech, written or spoken, is a dead language, until it finds a willing and prepared listener. — Robert Louis Stevenson

Long before I wrote stories, I listened for stories. Listening for them is something more acute than listening to them. When their elders sit and begin, children are just waiting and hoping for one to come out, like a mouse from its hole. — Eudora Welty

The discipline of the writer is to learn to be still and listen to what his subject has to tell him. — Anonymous

 

Photo originally uploaded to FLickr by [phil h]; late night discussion (or what I’m trying to tell myself…) 

Humorous Quotations About Listening, Part Two

As International Listening Awareness Month (sponsored by the International Listening Association) progresses, let’s take some time to enjoy several humorous quotations about listening. This posting is part two of a three-part series.

The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much. — Germain G. Glien

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. — Hubert Humphrey

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening. — Franklin P. Jones

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.— Fran Lebowitz

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother. — Sam Levenson

The difference between listening to a radio sermon and going to church. . . is almost like the difference between calling your girl on the phone and spending an evening with her. — Dwight L. Moody

Boredom is having to listen to someone talk about himself when I want to talk about me. — Tom Paciorek

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. — Dan Rather

And now listen to some Out to Lunch Jokes from Katey, a second-grader

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Humorous Quotations About Listening, Part One

Now that March has arrived, it is  International Listening Awareness Month (sponsored by the International Listening Association); let’s take some time to enjoy several humorous quotations about listening. This posting is part one of a three-part series.

History repeats itself because no one listens the first time. — Anonymous

Conversation: a vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. — Anonymous

“You know, it’s at times like this when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young!” “Why, what did she tell you?” “I don’t know, I didn’t listen!” — Douglas Adams

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said. — Anonymous

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.— Anonymous

It’s my job to talk and yours to listen, but please, let me know if you finish before I do. — Anonymous

Women like silent men. They think they’re listening. — Marcel Archard

To understand this important story, you have to understand how the telephone company works. Your telephone is connected to a local computer, which is in turn connected to a regional computer, which is in turn connected to a loudspeaker the size of a garbage truck on the lawn of Edna A. Bargewater of Lawrence, Kan. Whenever you talk on the phone, your local computer listens in. If it suspects you’re going to discuss an intimate topic, it notifies the computer above it, which listens in and decides whether to alert the one above it, until finally, if you really humiliate yourself, maybe break down in tears and tell your closest friend about a sordid incident from your past involving a seedy motel, a neighbor’s spouse, an entire religious order, a garden hose and six quarts of tapioca pudding, the top computer feeds your conversation into Edna’s loudspeaker, and she and her friends come out on the porch to listen and drink gin and laugh themselves silly. What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.— Dave Barry 

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. — Ambrose Bierce

An actor’s a guy who if you ain’t talkin’ about him, ain’t listening. — Marlon Brando

It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear. — Dick Cavett

I’ll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I’d listen to it! — Tom Galloway

Quotations on Listening and Caring

Earlier this month, so many people I care about were struggling in so many ways . . . the death of friends in a car accident, serious health issues, and more. What could I possibly say to them to help ease their pain? I thought and thought. And then I remembered the two most important words in situations like these: “I’m listening.”

Here are several of my favorite quotations on listening and caring:

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. — Leo Buscaglia

Only when the clamor of the outside world is silenced will you be able to hear the deeper vibration. Listen carefully. — Sarah Ban Breathnach

Listening is noting what, when and how something is being said. Listening is distinguishing what is not being said from what is silence. Listening is not acting like you’re in a hurry, even if you are. Listening is eye contact, a hand placed gently upon an arm. Sometimes, listening is taking careful notes in the person’s own words. Listening involves suspension of judgment. It is neither analyzing nor racking your brain for labels, diagnoses, or remedies before the person is done relating her symptoms. Listening, like labor assisting, creates a safe space where whatever needs to happen or be said can come. — Allison Para Bastien

My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully and yell for help if you need it. — Judy Blume

I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. — Charles C. Finn